I remember the time when she was nine months old. I had landed a new job that would keep me from eight in the morning to six in the evening. It was my first day at work. I wanted to work, but the look on Saee's face put lead in my feet. All day at work, all I could think of, was the way Saee cried when I left. I quit my job two months later. It was too much. I couldn't stay away from her that long anymore.
We have come a long way since that time. Since then, Saee has made numerous trips, sometimes a week long, to twenty days long, to Indore with her grandmother. Alone. Every one of those trips, I secretly hoped that she would throw a fit, and not want to go, and cling to me. Today is one of those days. Not only is she going to Indore with her grandmother, she is super excited about it too! Much to my chagrin, she won't even show any signs of separation anxiety. If anyone is anxious about separation, it's me.
I most certainly don't like it when she is gone. Although, it gives me some time, and people think I am lucky to be getting time-out, I, for one, don't want the time-out. Without her, my time seems to have stalled. I miss her till I think I am going to be crazy.
If it's any consolation, this time I have Sayalee to keep me occupied. I thought that having Sayalee meant that I'll not miss Saee so much. I couldn't be more wrong. Having Sayalee is nice, for sure. But in no way does my love for Saee change in any manner. I still love her as much as I did before. What they say is right. It is possible to love two children without bias. I love them both passionately.
While I am looking forward to the two magic words that would bring twinkle to any new mommy's eyes, "more sleep", I do wish she would show some traces of anxiety. Damn you, girl! Before I know it, you will bring a boy to my doorstep claiming he's the love of your life, and that you want to get married! I wonder how I will react that day. Probably like a miserable old woman, too possessive of her daughter to give her away to some... guy! Ah, well. When you think about it, I did the same. My mom very graciously accepted Shrikant into her life and gave away my hand in marriage. Of course, she was miserable too, but at least she wasn't as hysterical as I am hoping I 'won't' get. And then, at Saee's age, I always clung to her, and never left her for a single day. If and when I did go to my grandmother's house, it would only be for a day, and I'd spend the entire day glued to the window waiting to see my mother coming to get me. No hint of that clinginess in my daughter. Sigh! If each of us got exactly what we wanted...
Maybe God is preparing me for that day 20 odd years later. I'll definitely show this blog to her then, and hope she cries, at least that one time. :-(
(Crazy, selfish me!)
We have come a long way since that time. Since then, Saee has made numerous trips, sometimes a week long, to twenty days long, to Indore with her grandmother. Alone. Every one of those trips, I secretly hoped that she would throw a fit, and not want to go, and cling to me. Today is one of those days. Not only is she going to Indore with her grandmother, she is super excited about it too! Much to my chagrin, she won't even show any signs of separation anxiety. If anyone is anxious about separation, it's me.
I most certainly don't like it when she is gone. Although, it gives me some time, and people think I am lucky to be getting time-out, I, for one, don't want the time-out. Without her, my time seems to have stalled. I miss her till I think I am going to be crazy.
If it's any consolation, this time I have Sayalee to keep me occupied. I thought that having Sayalee meant that I'll not miss Saee so much. I couldn't be more wrong. Having Sayalee is nice, for sure. But in no way does my love for Saee change in any manner. I still love her as much as I did before. What they say is right. It is possible to love two children without bias. I love them both passionately.
While I am looking forward to the two magic words that would bring twinkle to any new mommy's eyes, "more sleep", I do wish she would show some traces of anxiety. Damn you, girl! Before I know it, you will bring a boy to my doorstep claiming he's the love of your life, and that you want to get married! I wonder how I will react that day. Probably like a miserable old woman, too possessive of her daughter to give her away to some... guy! Ah, well. When you think about it, I did the same. My mom very graciously accepted Shrikant into her life and gave away my hand in marriage. Of course, she was miserable too, but at least she wasn't as hysterical as I am hoping I 'won't' get. And then, at Saee's age, I always clung to her, and never left her for a single day. If and when I did go to my grandmother's house, it would only be for a day, and I'd spend the entire day glued to the window waiting to see my mother coming to get me. No hint of that clinginess in my daughter. Sigh! If each of us got exactly what we wanted...
Maybe God is preparing me for that day 20 odd years later. I'll definitely show this blog to her then, and hope she cries, at least that one time. :-(
(Crazy, selfish me!)
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