Edward Scissorhands!

I came to Vasai, completely packed I thought for the four days I was going to be here. Darn it, I forgot to pack the nail-cutter. It is only now I realize how fast children's nails grow. I am scratched in so many places I am sure I must look like the female version of Edward Scissorhands. The anemia gives the pale look, and the hair gives the final finishing touches :-D

Sayalee is growing up so fast, I can almost see her as the tiny person she is going to be in just a few months. It is amazing in retrospect how fast children grow in their first year, as compared to all the other years. They do grow significantly even later, but the first year is simply like a burst of growth. Just yesterday this little girl was freshly out of the oven, didn't understand anything, and most definitely couldn't do anything except cry. Now she is able to smile, laugh, look for me, roll over, lift her head when she is on her tummy. It is so amazing to see her shape up. I am reliving those moments of Saee's life, and recording them in my memory so I never forget.

Being Santa

I remember when I was about ten years old. For years Mom had kept the image of a real Santa Claus going in my mind. I would look forward to getting presents from Santa for being a good girl all round the year. I'd write for what I wanted on a piece of paper, and was always so excited to receive the gift from him on Christmas morning. I really thought that when I was asleep, a big fat and cuddly man in red and white clothes with a big flowing white beard came with a huge sack and deposited the gift under the pillow. Never once did I doubt about his existence. He was real, Mom said so!

Then one Christmas, (perhaps jealous?) my brother Mandar burst my bubble. He told me that no such person exists. It was Mom who gets those gifts and keeps them at my bedside. I think a part of me knew that this was the reality. But I felt offended, with no idea why. Deep down, don't we all yearn for there to be a Santa Claus? Even as adults, in times of oppression like the ghastly acts going on in our country these days, don't we all wish for some goodness in this world. That if we are good all round the year, something good will happen to us? These things are happening for two reasons. People have lost hope, and lost fear. They know that nothing good will come out of being idealistic. And they know that nothing will happen no matter how bad they are, or what wrongs they do. I have two daughters. I want  to let them have wings and be independent. I really do. But ask me how afraid I am to even think of such things. Those monsters won't even spare toddlers.

I guess it was the disillusionment. Growing up, isn't that disillusionment too? We nurse such beautiful fantasies when we are younger? Slowly but surely as we grow up, and like the skin of an onion the fantasies peel away, until all the peels are gone and you are left with nothing. Hearts become empty. Alright, I have done it again. I started something on a positive note, and ended up with a melancholy feeling. Damn the lunar influence of my sun sign!

I relived those old moments in Saee, when Shrikant and I played Santa Claus. I asked her first what she wanted from Santa. Of course she had to tell me, as she couldn't write notes yet. First she asked for a Barbie doll. Uh-oh! Then she asked for some specific Hello Kitty toy, which I don't know anything about. She saw one at her friend's and she wanted the exact same. So I told her that I'll get it for her birthday. Ultimately on  shopping trip we ended up buying a huge cream and powder blue teddy bear. It was soft, and so cuddly! Now the question was, how to get Saee to think that this is what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted something big or small. She said, "Big". Okay, did she want something hard or soft? "Soft!" came the pat reply. Okay, what's big and soft? "Mummy I want a teddy bear!"  But what color? "Skin colored." Hmm...  can pass off cream as skin colored. And what other color? "Pink!" Oh but honey, don't you already have two pink teddies? So obviously the next favorite color was going to be... "Blue!"

Mission accomplished!

Yippee! Sayalee Rolls Over!

Isn't it exciting when after weeks of unresponsiveness, and not being able to do much, your baby finally learns to take its first independent steps? Okay, that's going too far, Sayalee is still pretty far from taking steps, even baby ones. Right now her baby steps involve one major milestone. The s'milestone' she covered in her second month. The third month went by without much significant development, except she was able to focus and see better. That just meant, that she could see me better, which meant no going to anyone else except Mommy. It is paradoxical. On one hand there is the pain and irritation of having to carry your infant all the time, on the other there is a sadistic satisfaction in knowing that you are 'The Mommy' and your child wants no one but you. Hee hee, perils of motherhood!

It happened all too suddenly. I was getting ready to go on a shopping trip. I had her ready in cute clothes. I had turned around to do some other work. I turned back to see my little one flipped over. It was so exciting, I clicked pictures immediately.

By the way, I broke my glasses a few days ago and I haven't yet got my new glasses, so please forgive me if a couple of pictures are out-of-focus. It certainly doesn't help that Sayalee doesn't remain still for even a second. Excuses, really!

Thank Gawd for Hired Help!

Finally help is at hand. God sent me an angel by the name of Gracy. She really is heaven-sent, in that she helps me with almost everything. All I have to do is look after Sayalee, 'cause God only knows that she is one full-time job. Mostly Saee was suffering, because without help, I wasn't able to cook on time. What with Sayalee being a fickle sleeper, it was like walking on eggshells.

Things are slightly better now. The angel does take good money for all the work she does, but hey, life has become expensive for everyone. Everyone needs to fill their children's tummies. With women like Gracy, whose husbands are drunk good-for-nothings, they need the money even more. She had the guts to leave him and move to her Aunt's home, where she keeps her children. I have tremendous respect for women like her. And that is why I don't begrudge a few extra monies, as she really does a lot around the house.

With Sayalee, things are slightly better. With slightly, I really mean only very marginally. I have tried applying the E.A.S.Y technique of the baby whisperer to Sayalee. Saee being a textbook baby, was quick to adapt to the schedule, and made my life pretty easy. Sayalee is one tough nut to crack. Everyday I struggle to put her on a routine, and I don't mean by the clock. Just a predictable routine, where she wakes up, feeds, plays and then goes to sleep. Easier said than done. As it is, it is tough to get her to sleep, and when she finally does drift off, her sleep is so light, that a pin drops somewhere and she is wide awake. I am not complaining, just calling a spade, a spade.

Yet, with most days now she has begun to adapt. I have begun to understand most her cries. Which one is a hunger cry, and which one is a sleepy cry. There is one more cry that goes, "I know I want something, I don't know what, but I want it now" cry. Yup! Very lady-like! All I can do in such times is shush her into calm.

Things go for a toss on days like today. There was an important parents-teachers meeting in Saee's school. I had to go, and I had to carry Sayalee along. Gracy is good, but Sayalee won't be with her for a second. It threw her off schedule, not that it is very hard for Sayalee to be off schedule. But one good thing came of it, I finally made some friends. Mothers of Saee's friends, of course. Still, it is good to know at least some people and make friends :)


Thank God for little mercies :)