I remember when I was about ten years old. For years Mom had kept the image of a real Santa Claus going in my mind. I would look forward to getting presents from Santa for being a good girl all round the year. I'd write for what I wanted on a piece of paper, and was always so excited to receive the gift from him on Christmas morning. I really thought that when I was asleep, a big fat and cuddly man in red and white clothes with a big flowing white beard came with a huge sack and deposited the gift under the pillow. Never once did I doubt about his existence. He was real, Mom said so!
Then one Christmas, (perhaps jealous?) my brother Mandar burst my bubble. He told me that no such person exists. It was Mom who gets those gifts and keeps them at my bedside. I think a part of me knew that this was the reality. But I felt offended, with no idea why. Deep down, don't we all yearn for there to be a Santa Claus? Even as adults, in times of oppression like the ghastly acts going on in our country these days, don't we all wish for some goodness in this world. That if we are good all round the year, something good will happen to us? These things are happening for two reasons. People have lost hope, and lost fear. They know that nothing good will come out of being idealistic. And they know that nothing will happen no matter how bad they are, or what wrongs they do. I have two daughters. I want to let them have wings and be independent. I really do. But ask me how afraid I am to even think of such things. Those monsters won't even spare toddlers.
I guess it was the disillusionment. Growing up, isn't that disillusionment too? We nurse such beautiful fantasies when we are younger? Slowly but surely as we grow up, and like the skin of an onion the fantasies peel away, until all the peels are gone and you are left with nothing. Hearts become empty. Alright, I have done it again. I started something on a positive note, and ended up with a melancholy feeling. Damn the lunar influence of my sun sign!
I relived those old moments in Saee, when Shrikant and I played Santa Claus. I asked her first what she wanted from Santa. Of course she had to tell me, as she couldn't write notes yet. First she asked for a Barbie doll. Uh-oh! Then she asked for some specific Hello Kitty toy, which I don't know anything about. She saw one at her friend's and she wanted the exact same. So I told her that I'll get it for her birthday. Ultimately on shopping trip we ended up buying a huge cream and powder blue teddy bear. It was soft, and so cuddly! Now the question was, how to get Saee to think that this is what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted something big or small. She said, "Big". Okay, did she want something hard or soft? "Soft!" came the pat reply. Okay, what's big and soft? "Mummy I want a teddy bear!" But what color? "Skin colored." Hmm... can pass off cream as skin colored. And what other color? "Pink!" Oh but honey, don't you already have two pink teddies? So obviously the next favorite color was going to be... "Blue!"
Mission accomplished!
Then one Christmas, (perhaps jealous?) my brother Mandar burst my bubble. He told me that no such person exists. It was Mom who gets those gifts and keeps them at my bedside. I think a part of me knew that this was the reality. But I felt offended, with no idea why. Deep down, don't we all yearn for there to be a Santa Claus? Even as adults, in times of oppression like the ghastly acts going on in our country these days, don't we all wish for some goodness in this world. That if we are good all round the year, something good will happen to us? These things are happening for two reasons. People have lost hope, and lost fear. They know that nothing good will come out of being idealistic. And they know that nothing will happen no matter how bad they are, or what wrongs they do. I have two daughters. I want to let them have wings and be independent. I really do. But ask me how afraid I am to even think of such things. Those monsters won't even spare toddlers.
I guess it was the disillusionment. Growing up, isn't that disillusionment too? We nurse such beautiful fantasies when we are younger? Slowly but surely as we grow up, and like the skin of an onion the fantasies peel away, until all the peels are gone and you are left with nothing. Hearts become empty. Alright, I have done it again. I started something on a positive note, and ended up with a melancholy feeling. Damn the lunar influence of my sun sign!
I relived those old moments in Saee, when Shrikant and I played Santa Claus. I asked her first what she wanted from Santa. Of course she had to tell me, as she couldn't write notes yet. First she asked for a Barbie doll. Uh-oh! Then she asked for some specific Hello Kitty toy, which I don't know anything about. She saw one at her friend's and she wanted the exact same. So I told her that I'll get it for her birthday. Ultimately on shopping trip we ended up buying a huge cream and powder blue teddy bear. It was soft, and so cuddly! Now the question was, how to get Saee to think that this is what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted something big or small. She said, "Big". Okay, did she want something hard or soft? "Soft!" came the pat reply. Okay, what's big and soft? "Mummy I want a teddy bear!" But what color? "Skin colored." Hmm... can pass off cream as skin colored. And what other color? "Pink!" Oh but honey, don't you already have two pink teddies? So obviously the next favorite color was going to be... "Blue!"
Mission accomplished!
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