Edward Scissorhands!

I came to Vasai, completely packed I thought for the four days I was going to be here. Darn it, I forgot to pack the nail-cutter. It is only now I realize how fast children's nails grow. I am scratched in so many places I am sure I must look like the female version of Edward Scissorhands. The anemia gives the pale look, and the hair gives the final finishing touches :-D

Sayalee is growing up so fast, I can almost see her as the tiny person she is going to be in just a few months. It is amazing in retrospect how fast children grow in their first year, as compared to all the other years. They do grow significantly even later, but the first year is simply like a burst of growth. Just yesterday this little girl was freshly out of the oven, didn't understand anything, and most definitely couldn't do anything except cry. Now she is able to smile, laugh, look for me, roll over, lift her head when she is on her tummy. It is so amazing to see her shape up. I am reliving those moments of Saee's life, and recording them in my memory so I never forget.

Being Santa

I remember when I was about ten years old. For years Mom had kept the image of a real Santa Claus going in my mind. I would look forward to getting presents from Santa for being a good girl all round the year. I'd write for what I wanted on a piece of paper, and was always so excited to receive the gift from him on Christmas morning. I really thought that when I was asleep, a big fat and cuddly man in red and white clothes with a big flowing white beard came with a huge sack and deposited the gift under the pillow. Never once did I doubt about his existence. He was real, Mom said so!

Then one Christmas, (perhaps jealous?) my brother Mandar burst my bubble. He told me that no such person exists. It was Mom who gets those gifts and keeps them at my bedside. I think a part of me knew that this was the reality. But I felt offended, with no idea why. Deep down, don't we all yearn for there to be a Santa Claus? Even as adults, in times of oppression like the ghastly acts going on in our country these days, don't we all wish for some goodness in this world. That if we are good all round the year, something good will happen to us? These things are happening for two reasons. People have lost hope, and lost fear. They know that nothing good will come out of being idealistic. And they know that nothing will happen no matter how bad they are, or what wrongs they do. I have two daughters. I want  to let them have wings and be independent. I really do. But ask me how afraid I am to even think of such things. Those monsters won't even spare toddlers.

I guess it was the disillusionment. Growing up, isn't that disillusionment too? We nurse such beautiful fantasies when we are younger? Slowly but surely as we grow up, and like the skin of an onion the fantasies peel away, until all the peels are gone and you are left with nothing. Hearts become empty. Alright, I have done it again. I started something on a positive note, and ended up with a melancholy feeling. Damn the lunar influence of my sun sign!

I relived those old moments in Saee, when Shrikant and I played Santa Claus. I asked her first what she wanted from Santa. Of course she had to tell me, as she couldn't write notes yet. First she asked for a Barbie doll. Uh-oh! Then she asked for some specific Hello Kitty toy, which I don't know anything about. She saw one at her friend's and she wanted the exact same. So I told her that I'll get it for her birthday. Ultimately on  shopping trip we ended up buying a huge cream and powder blue teddy bear. It was soft, and so cuddly! Now the question was, how to get Saee to think that this is what she wanted. I asked her if she wanted something big or small. She said, "Big". Okay, did she want something hard or soft? "Soft!" came the pat reply. Okay, what's big and soft? "Mummy I want a teddy bear!"  But what color? "Skin colored." Hmm...  can pass off cream as skin colored. And what other color? "Pink!" Oh but honey, don't you already have two pink teddies? So obviously the next favorite color was going to be... "Blue!"

Mission accomplished!

Yippee! Sayalee Rolls Over!

Isn't it exciting when after weeks of unresponsiveness, and not being able to do much, your baby finally learns to take its first independent steps? Okay, that's going too far, Sayalee is still pretty far from taking steps, even baby ones. Right now her baby steps involve one major milestone. The s'milestone' she covered in her second month. The third month went by without much significant development, except she was able to focus and see better. That just meant, that she could see me better, which meant no going to anyone else except Mommy. It is paradoxical. On one hand there is the pain and irritation of having to carry your infant all the time, on the other there is a sadistic satisfaction in knowing that you are 'The Mommy' and your child wants no one but you. Hee hee, perils of motherhood!

It happened all too suddenly. I was getting ready to go on a shopping trip. I had her ready in cute clothes. I had turned around to do some other work. I turned back to see my little one flipped over. It was so exciting, I clicked pictures immediately.

By the way, I broke my glasses a few days ago and I haven't yet got my new glasses, so please forgive me if a couple of pictures are out-of-focus. It certainly doesn't help that Sayalee doesn't remain still for even a second. Excuses, really!

Thank Gawd for Hired Help!

Finally help is at hand. God sent me an angel by the name of Gracy. She really is heaven-sent, in that she helps me with almost everything. All I have to do is look after Sayalee, 'cause God only knows that she is one full-time job. Mostly Saee was suffering, because without help, I wasn't able to cook on time. What with Sayalee being a fickle sleeper, it was like walking on eggshells.

Things are slightly better now. The angel does take good money for all the work she does, but hey, life has become expensive for everyone. Everyone needs to fill their children's tummies. With women like Gracy, whose husbands are drunk good-for-nothings, they need the money even more. She had the guts to leave him and move to her Aunt's home, where she keeps her children. I have tremendous respect for women like her. And that is why I don't begrudge a few extra monies, as she really does a lot around the house.

With Sayalee, things are slightly better. With slightly, I really mean only very marginally. I have tried applying the E.A.S.Y technique of the baby whisperer to Sayalee. Saee being a textbook baby, was quick to adapt to the schedule, and made my life pretty easy. Sayalee is one tough nut to crack. Everyday I struggle to put her on a routine, and I don't mean by the clock. Just a predictable routine, where she wakes up, feeds, plays and then goes to sleep. Easier said than done. As it is, it is tough to get her to sleep, and when she finally does drift off, her sleep is so light, that a pin drops somewhere and she is wide awake. I am not complaining, just calling a spade, a spade.

Yet, with most days now she has begun to adapt. I have begun to understand most her cries. Which one is a hunger cry, and which one is a sleepy cry. There is one more cry that goes, "I know I want something, I don't know what, but I want it now" cry. Yup! Very lady-like! All I can do in such times is shush her into calm.

Things go for a toss on days like today. There was an important parents-teachers meeting in Saee's school. I had to go, and I had to carry Sayalee along. Gracy is good, but Sayalee won't be with her for a second. It threw her off schedule, not that it is very hard for Sayalee to be off schedule. But one good thing came of it, I finally made some friends. Mothers of Saee's friends, of course. Still, it is good to know at least some people and make friends :)


Thank God for little mercies :)

Saee is going to Indore

I remember the time when she was nine months old. I had landed a new job that would keep me from eight in the morning to six in the evening. It was my first day at work. I wanted to work, but the look on Saee's face put lead in my feet. All day at work, all I could think of, was the way Saee cried when I left. I quit my job two months later. It was too much. I couldn't stay away from her that long anymore.

We have come a long way since that time. Since then, Saee has made numerous trips, sometimes a week long, to twenty days long, to Indore with her grandmother. Alone. Every one of those trips, I secretly hoped that she would throw a fit, and not want to go, and cling to me. Today is one of those days. Not only is she going to Indore with her grandmother, she is super excited about it too! Much to my chagrin, she won't even show any signs of separation anxiety. If anyone is anxious about separation, it's me.

I most certainly don't like it when she is gone. Although, it gives me some time, and people think I am lucky to be getting time-out, I, for one, don't want the time-out. Without her, my time seems to have stalled. I miss her till I think I am going to be crazy.

If it's any consolation, this time I have Sayalee to keep me occupied. I thought that having Sayalee meant that I'll not miss Saee so much. I couldn't be more wrong. Having Sayalee is nice, for sure. But in no way does my love for Saee change in any manner. I still love her as much as I did before. What they say is right. It is possible to love two children without bias. I love them both passionately.

While I am looking forward to the two magic words that would bring twinkle to any new mommy's eyes, "more sleep", I do wish she would show some traces of anxiety. Damn you, girl! Before I know it, you will bring a boy to my doorstep claiming he's the love of your life, and that you want to get married! I wonder how I will react that day. Probably like a miserable old woman, too possessive of her daughter to give her away to some... guy! Ah, well. When you think about it, I did the same. My mom very graciously accepted Shrikant into her life and gave away my hand in marriage. Of course, she was miserable too, but at least she wasn't as hysterical as I am hoping I 'won't' get. And then, at Saee's age, I always clung to her, and never left her for a single day. If and when I did go to my grandmother's house, it would only be for a day, and I'd spend the entire day glued to the window waiting to see my mother coming to get me. No hint of that clinginess in my daughter. Sigh! If each of us got exactly what we wanted...

Maybe God is preparing me for that day 20 odd years later. I'll definitely show this blog to her then, and hope she cries, at least that one time. :-(

(Crazy, selfish me!)

Sayalee's first Diwali

I was a little scared. This is Sayalee's very first Diwali. As such, she is a fitful sleeper. I thought that the sound of firecrackers bursting all around her would make her irritable and cranky. Thankfully, that hasn't seemed to bother her much, and she is sleeping peacefully through all the ruckus.

Diwali this year, is extra special for all of us. This is our first Diwali as a complete family. Strange, when we were newly married, I couldn't conceive of life as a single person anymore. When Saee was born, it felt as though we were living in a bubble before she came into our lives. Like, life wasn't life when she wasn't with us. Now that Sayalee has arrived into our lives, it's like suddenly life is truly complete.

It's not all without troubles though. We have to schedule our work around her. When one of us works, the other has to remain free to look after her. I don't know how I managed to make chakalis and papadi though all that. Speaking of papdi, they are like small papads, made of chickpea flour which is  kneaded int boiled colocasia roots (arvi), along with spices. The dough must be so firm that you can roll it into wafer thin papads, without using dry flour for dusting, or oil. My mother-in-law tells me that they used to have rolling contests, to see who can roll the papads the thinnest. She told me that you should be able to read a newspaper through it, that's how thin it should be rolled. I took it up as a challenge, but boy! Was it difficult! I wonder how the ladies who make Lijjat papads for a living, do it every single day. The rolling was tedious, for sure, but the kneading quite literally wore me out. Initially it's easy when the dough is soft. You keep adding the flour, till u think, okay! This dough won't accept any more flour. I took the dough, which I thought was perfect, to my mother-in-law for her approval, quite confidently, when she frowned and said, no! It's still way too thin! It needs more flour. After four more times of "more flour!" finally, she said, "looks okay!" :-(





My hands were so swollen from the kneading,  it hurt me even to hold Sayalee's bottle. In the evening we went out and bought cute little clothes for Saee and a jumper and sweater for Sayalee. I even bought my dear Sayalee a finger-brush. Being the incorrigible dentist that I am, it is simply inconceivable that she shouldn't be able to clean her mouth every morning. Laugh, if you must, but people always compliment Saee's dentition.

Here's a picture of my little cutiepie on her first Diwali.

Finally... The first social smile!

I have been tired before, but this was simply ridiculous. Sleep deprived and unable to focus, I haven't felt myself lately to be able to post. Children having colds are irritable, but infants having colds are a nightmare! It may come across as insensitive to those who don't have kids yet. Be patient, your time will come too. There is a reason why colds are called, common!

It does sound insensitive, because here is a tiny, frail, (helpless, yet not so helpless) infant whose wee little nose is congested with goo. She can't breathe properly, can't feed properly and most importantly can't sleep properly. She is miserable, and she lets you know it. Common colds make the best of us miserable. But now the tables are turned. You are the mother, the ultimate caretaker. The epitome of love and goodness. I don't know why mothers are perceived to be saintlike. Hardly feel saintly though. It takes a good amount of self-control to not scream in frustration, when you are not able to sleep too, feel overworked and overtired, and the incessant crying just gets to you. You feel like the whole world is going to collapse around you. Like the world is completely dark.

Just then, the sun comes out. The cold tides over, and you have a manageable baby once again. Not just manageable, something you had almost given up as 'not gonna happen this week', happens. Your baby looks at you, recognizes you, and gives you the most heartwarming smile that melts, literally melts you. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, better in this whole world than your own baby smiling at you. All the hard work and fruitless first couple of weeks seem to be worth it. Just when you think that you can't take it anymore, you get the fuel for going on.

In the end, it pays to go by Mr. Aamir Khan's mantra in '3 Idiots', "Aal ij well"!!!

English Vinglish

Mr. Amitabh Bachchan proclaimed many years ago in a movie, "English is a very funny language!" He couldn't have been more accurate. Incase you are wondering, no, I didn't watch the movie yesterday and I am not writing a review about it. What I am writing here, is how it is difficult to explain a language without any rules, to a four-year-old.

Every Indian language has rules. Set rules, which say that x = x and y = y. The grammar is perfect. You can't mess around with the rules, and they make it easier to understand the  language. But English, is indeed, a funny language. That it has been adopted as the universal language, is a bit of a shame. What is more shameful, is that many Indian parents today, for whatever reason, choose to speak to their offspring in English on a routine basis. What ensues is a child who is neither proficient in English (because none of the so-called English speaking parents speak the language fluently), nor do they know their mother-tongue. They are a bit of neither this, nor that.

Whatever be someone else's choice, it was completely understood between my husband and me, that  we would speak to our children in Marathi. Once they grow a little older, we would speak to them from time-to-time in Hindi. These two languages, the child must learn at home. For English, there's always school. Now that formal education of Saee has begun, and she has started assimilating, and more importantly, questioning stuff, it becomes impossible sometimes, to explain the nuances of the Queen's language.

For example, it was tough to explain why 'G' makes a 'ग' sound, and not 'ज' sound which is made by 'J'. Somehow, we managed to convince her that this is how things stand. One day, in the supermarket, she said to my husband, "बाबा, मला गेम्स पाहिजेत". Shrikant told her, "बेटा त्याला गेम्स नाही जेम्स म्हणतात." To which she retorted, " पण G चा sound तर 'ग' असा असतो ना!" Shrikant was rendered speechless.

Once again, we faced the same problem while explaining the difference between 'C', 'S' and 'K'. S makes 'स 'स' sound, whereas 'C' makes 'क' sound and so does 'K'. Then according to Saee, car should be spelt as Kar, or why isn't c-a-r pronounced Sar? Why does kite not begin with a 'C'? Why do we not write our surname as Cecre instead of Kekre? Why does 'giraffe' not begin with a 'J'? Tough to explain to a four-year-old.

Tough, because I have no answers to these questions. I may have had these questions in my formative years too, but just like everyone else, even we as kids, learn to accept a fundamental law of life. "It is so, because it is so." You can't change things, even though you know they aren't quite right. Just like you can't change some people. Sometimes, the sooner you learn to accept things the way they are, the easier life becomes for you.

But as far as English is concerned, even though I write my blog in this language, it isn't always a language which is well understood. It is in a way, like a life-partner. I wasn't born with it. I didn't really grow up with it. But when I was old enough to understand, I assimilated it, tried to understand it, and with its faults, accepted it the way it is, and made it my own. It doesn't mean that I let go of my mother-tongue. It is still the language with which I think. But English is a language I live with.

And so must my children, until they become old enough to make their own decisions. This way, I'll give them roots, until the day they find their wings.

More ruffled feathers!

This time around, a younger woman with feathers ruffled. Ha! What an understatement! I feel like one of those fighter cocks with their plumes looking as though someone planted a bomb in them. It's just one of those days, when even if you don't have PMS, everyone around looks sympathetically at you thinking,"Must be PMS!"

If you have ever seen "The Shark Tale", you will know what I mean, when I say that I feel kind of like Sykes, the puffer fish character in the movie. One minute, you are like this:

And the next, "BOOM!" and you are like this:

The person behind the puffer fish is what my husband Shrikant looks like when my spines are sticking out!

Just last night, I was reveling in motherhood, thinking how great it is. All my love was directed to the two apples of my eye. Shrikant was the best husband in the whole world. Then the night passed, somehow, with fits of sleep, making do with whatever little space was available on the bed, since everyone decided to crawl onto it like a Churchgate-Virar local, and amazed that inspite of the crying, the lights turned on and everything, everyone slept so sound! Look at me, Sayalee just has to shift in her seat and I am up like a rooster!

It is 2.00 a.m., and I am done feeding, burping, rocking, washing, sterilizing, and scooping the poopy. Ah! Done. Blessed sleep. Barely have I adjusted my bottom to ache a little less on the bed, and once again it's time to feed, burp, rock, wash, sterilize and scoop up some more poopy! Come morning and I am up in arms against just about everyone saying anything to me. Suddenly the children are annoying, the husband is annoying and others... let's not mention it.

This phase doesn't last though. Especially now, since I have started cooking again. I had forgotten how therapeutic cooking can be. It allows you to take your mind off the mundane things and focus, for a little while on something else. I am going to bargain for some two hours on Monday. I am planning to go for a movie. Alone. I might watch English Vinglish. Hopefully, it will give me some space and some inspiration. And save my sanity a little.

Ruffled Feathers

There comes a day in a month, or for some old women, every week or so, when everything seems to rub them the wrong way. Nothing is ever right or proper. The clothes are kept so, the toys are scattered thus, no one's eating the food hot. All they need is a reason, and the pressure cooker gives way to a mind-numbing whistle.

Today is such a day in the Kekre household. Mum-in-law woke up on the wrong side of the bed. All morning, it has been a one-sided verbal onslaught from her. At such times, I advocate doing what I used to do back in my mom's house. Keep 'mum' (pun intended!) Best not to disturb already ruffled feathers lest the angry old lady open her third eye and burn us all down (kind of like the Lord Shiva, the Kekre God, she venerates.)

Saee was kind enough to gift her infant sister a toy of her own. Unmindful of the fact that she is right now too little to enjoy toys. It is amazing, really, how we find it difficult to connect to the very tiny infants, but children seem to take to them so easily. Inspite of being a mother, I sometimes refer to Sayalee as 'the baby', but never  Saee. She always refers to her as Sayalee. She seems to look at her as the little person that she is going to be in a couple of months, something I find very hard to do. Kids really teach you a lot, in many different ways.

A funny instance happened this morning. Saee has a thing about smells. She is very 'nosey'. There are fragrances she definitely loves, and she just can't stand bad odor. First she asked to smell my hair. "Umm, mummy your hair smells really good!" she said. Then she brought her own hair to her nose, and was pleased with that smell too. Later when I was changing Sayalee's nappy, Saee touched her little bums and said, "Mummy, they are so softy softy, can I smell them?" The devil raised his eyebrows in my mind, and I let her. One sniff and she was out of the room in a wink! Guffawing, I narrated the incident to my husband. An embarrassed Saee yelled at me from the bedroom, "Don't make fun of me!" :-D

I hope someday Saee reads this and is able  to laugh at the little things like these.

Posting three pictures of Sayalee. The first one, I'll call little feet. This picture, I clicked last night in a moment of inspiration. Srikant has held her feet in his hands. This way when she grows up, and her feet are bigger than mine, she can see this picture and know that once upon a time her feet were so little.

This is a picture of Shrikant's hand holding Saee's hand holding Sayalee's hand. The three musketeers of my life :-)

This is the toy that Saee has given to Sayalee.












I hope each day brings sweet surprises like these. :-)

Kids Say The Darned-est Things

Has anyone seen this show on television? I think I must have been in junior college, when this show was being aired on television. Bill Cosby would interview little kids aged between 3 and 10 years. The kids would say the funniest things, and Bill Cosby would give his signature expressions, that made the show really popular. I remember being amused by the kids' answers to different questions. Little did I know, that one day my kid would be answering things in a very similar manner.

That kids generally imitate the elders in the house, is very well known. Saee, however, has caught on her grandmother's way of speaking so well, that sometimes it is hard, even in the middle of a scolding, to not smile when she says something that mirrors my mother-in-law's way of speaking.

For instance, yesterday for being a well-behaved girl, we allowed her an hour of painting with water colors. She loves painting, but we usually only give her crayons or color pencils. Water color is for special occasions when she is well-behaved. She was painting the picture of a crocodile. My husband stood behind her and said, "Oh wow! You have colored the crocodile, green!" "Good, now you know that crocodiles are green colored!" exclaimed Saee. :-)

This morning, Shrikant went to drop Saee to her school. On the way she met a friend. This friend asked her, "Who's this person?" referring to Shrikant. Saee told her that he's her daddy. "Itne se daddy hote hain kya kabhi?" Äre fathers ever this young? Shrikant could only listen dumbstruck.

Where do kids learn to speak like that? I guess they are more attentive to the way we speak and act than we think they are. Do not be fooled by their apparent nonchalance. They are quite aware about all the goings on in the household.

Which makes me want to think not twice, but ten times before I say something in front of her. Otherwise she maay land us in an embarrassing situation. Like once before Sayalee was born, before even she was conceived, we were in the elevator of our apartment complex. An acquaintance walked in, and as was his usual habit, asked Saee where she was going. "We are going to the hospital to get a baby," she said matter-of-factly. :-O

Kids, do indeed say the darned-est things!

Case in point, watch this video: How mothers deliver babies from a little girl's viewpoint

1st Month Birthday

I can hardly believe it! It's been a month already. I remember how I was feeling on the day Sayalee breezed into our lives. Since I had to undergo a C-Section anyway, we figured it would be best if we could pick the date and time. 18th September was a good day according to the Hindu calender. It was decided that the operation would be carried out on this day in the morning.

I wasn't able to sleep a wink the night before. Anticipation and anxiety was coursing through my veins. Thankfully there are games online which can help to shift your focus for some time. That's what I did. Mom woke up at 5:00 a.m. and finished her chores for the day. I took a bath and washed my hair (knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to do this for the next couple of days.) Then I got dressed, picked up my hospital bag, which I had packed the night before, and gave my sleeping Saee a kiss. I woke Shrikant up, and told him that I am leaving for the hospital and asked him to reach there by about 8:30 a.m.

It was  so surreal. With Saee, since I had gone into labor, I hardly had time to think. It all happened so fast. With Sayalee, it was so slow, so deliberate. I mentally spoke to my unborn child, not knowing whether he or she would understand. I told her what was going to happen. Time seemed to have lulled into sleep. Finally after all the preparations were done, I was taken into the operating room. I swear I thought my feet had gone numb even before my mother administered the spinal anesthesia! Between not feeling my legs, and people pushing on my belly till I thought I would faint, I heard a loud full-bodied cry. Mom exclaimed somewhere behind me, "Mulgi zali!" It's a girl!

I waited for the pediatrician to tell me that my daughter was fine and healthy, and then drifted off. Hours later when I woke up, I was told that  Saee had already christened her Sayalee. We had once discussed possible names for girls and boys, and Sayalee was one of them. Saee had become an instant hit with the staff after this. I loved the name. Once I got a better look at my newborn daughter, I thought that my older daughter had been bang-on with the choice. She was Sayalee Shrikant Kekre.

It's been a month since that day. We plan on buying a small cake tonight to celebrate it. :-) For now, I think I must catch some sleep. Last night, when she awoke for the 2 a.m. feeding, I was so sleepy, that I remembered Tom and Jerry. I thought that I might have to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks, the way Tom does :-)

Right now, it's chaos time in my home. Saee is getting late for school. Shrikant is rushing through the daily puja, so he can go to drop her at the bus stop. Ma in law is getting frantic trying to get her ready. Amidst a lot of yelling and crying, Saee has had her food. And through this ruckus, I was able to feed Sayalee, write this post, and chat with a friend! Motherhood does teach you two things- being calm in the middle of a thunderstorm, and multitasking.

Now that Saee has left for school, the storm has passed and quiet once again prevails in the household. A little resemblance of sanity. It just fires my imagination about how things are going to be in a couple of months, and even years. I salute my mom, and all other moms who have single-handedly done this job, and done it fantastically. I can only hope to be half as good as them.

On a signing off note... A very very happy first month birthday to my dear Sayalee. I love you, forever! :-)

Pineapple Express

In all honesty, I didn't think my husband could pull it off; making the pineapple costume for Saee's fancy dress activity day in school. My firm belief in my husband was shaken yesterday when not only did he doggedly pursue making that pineapple costume, but he did a fantastic job of it! Love you for this hubby!

This morning, my pretty little pineapple went to school and her costume was appreciated not only by her teacher, but her school Principal as well. Her Principal gave her a toffee, which was a matter of great pride for my little munchkin. :-) Thank you, thank you, thank you hubby!

As for my other munchkin, she seems to have a mind of her own. For days together she follows a routine. Then one day she decides, "Hell no! Mom is having a relaxed day! This schedule isn't working for me one bit,  uh uh!" But of course, there will be no set routine till a minimum of three months have passed. That was how much time Saee took to regularize. Sayalee of course, may take longer or shorter. Each child is different.

Tomorrow she completes her first month. They tell me in babycare books that she might smile her first real smile in the coming weeks. Sometimes Sayalee looks just so sombre that it is hard to imagine her smiling in recognition. She is a Virgo baby after all. They are very serious, and very responsible little souls. She is a grumpy little baby (according to the classification by the late Tracy Hogg)

Everyone in my house is sleeping soundly at the moment. The three-fourths of my family have completely hijacked the bed, leaving no room for the remaining one-fourth who is writing this blog. I badly need some good cappucino.

Oh, and one last piece of good news. I can still fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans. That is such a comfort when everything around you seems so out of control. Lots and lots of laundry, sterilizer, warmer, bottles, formula lying on my study table, clothes rack taking up a size-able chunk of my bedroom. Baby oil, baby powder and baby wipes on my laptop table. Not to be cleared by me. Not so soon anyway.

Good news raining!

You know? There is a Marathi saying, "Swataha melya shivaay swarga disat nahi!" Which loosely translated means that if you want to get something done, you have to work hard to get it done yourself. If you wait for someone else to do it, it is never going to happen. The same goes for my internet connection. Having been busy with Sayalee, I had expected my dear husband to do me a little favor so I could resume blogging. But men will be men, and husbands will forever be lazy. So many days he was at home. Never once did he venture anywhere even close to the laptop. (Now that I have repaired the connection, just wait and watch how fast he will be back on facebook!) So that is one good news, at least for me. My internet connection is finally working, and I am back to blogging.

The second good news is that three of my friends have delivered babies in the last two days. Whew! That's like a lot of babies. I remember when Saee was born, I felt so alone! Like alone, alone! Now look at how much company Sayalee has got!

Shweta delivered a baby boy this afternoon. Another friend of mine Meghana also delivered a baby boy. Sanyukta delivered a baby, but I do not know its gender yet. Heartiest congratulations to all of them, and loads of blessings for their little bundles of joy.

And now a little dampener on their spirits. I know Shweta and Meghana will not be able to read this so soon, and I know Sanyukta probably will. So the advice reaches someone, and benefits at least someone, I am here going to write it. Not that I am much of an expert, but of my friends, I do have more experience. I may take the liberty, then, to speak a few words of wisdom to them. (Don't I sound pompous? Haha!)

First of all, and you have read this in all the baby books, don't expect your baby to look the best on his first day in this world. S/He won't. They look funny. And then they lose weight aplenty, which makes them look funnier. My Sayalee's legs looked like chicken legs. I kept wondering when those buns were going to plump up some. The days pass, and babies put on weight, and the buns do plump up. Chicken legs give way to lovely kissable thighs, with cuddly little folds in them. Ooh! Sayalee has got them now. :-D

Secondly, the first month is the worst. Especially with the first baby. The baby cries ALL the time, and you have no idea what s/he wants. It doesn't help any, that all those feel good hormones and endorphins that pregnancy endowed upon you, delivery taketh away! So all the goodie goodie emotions are gone, and all that is afraid is a really scared, and bewildered you. And if some of you are unfortunate, like me, you end up with post partum depression, and go on to do really silly things. (Like waking up the poor pediatrician in the middle of the night :-P )

There will be diapers galore, with endless wee-ing and pooping. The first time, it is difficult to get the swaddling right. Here's one scenario. Baby has just wee-d. S/he is wet and crying and biting your head off. You are trying to change the diaper and the swaddling cloth. Baby kicks up a ruckus. You are all sweaty, but bravely you manage to swaddle the way that good ol' nurse lady showed you. Finally you manage to get the baby all bundled up. You haven't even wiped the sweat off your  brow, when lo and behold! Out come the little hands, and baby is crying once again! Hee hee! (I am not trying to scare you duckies, just giving you an example)

The breastfeeding is soooooooooooo difficult. Some of you may end up getting it right, others may end up giving formula like me. But even for those who try, it's like this. You have just fed the baby for over forty minutes, your back hurts from sitting that way for so long. Baby has finally fallen asleep. You put the baby down, and no more than half an hour has passed when you hear the familiar cough, cough, before it gives way to a full throttle cry. This is just the beginning, darlings. You have a long, long, long, long, looooooooooooong way to go!

Then there are times when you think, baby has colic. Wait a minute, does baby have colic? Why is she crying like that? Is she supposed to bring her feet up to her tummy like this? Why is she wriggling like that? It gets better, trust me, just let that first month pass.


I am not even going to start about all the things that all the aunties think it's their birthright to tell you. Everything you are doing is wrong. If baby is crying, it's because of you. If baby has gas, it's something you ate. I sincerely do hope you don't get to meet the kind of aunties that tell you that baby should be given such and such ayurvedic medicine, or if baby has hiccups, blow air on his/her forehead. Let's not even go there. I got so much conflicting advice that I was about to tear my hair off.

But that was during Saee's time. The best part about having Sayalee was that I was prepared. I still get jittery and nervous, but at least I don't call the pediatrician as often as I did during Saee's time. I still get desperate sometimes, but I can take one look at Saee, and know that this phase doesn't last very long. Soon it gives way to a beautiful coo-ing cherub, who is as eager to please you as you are to please her.

Still, if you do get some time to read, you should read these books which helped me a lot.

• The Baby Whisperer - Tracy Hogg. The late Tracy Hogg had a show on discovery which I watched numerous times before Saee was born. After she was born, I bought the book. It is tremendously helpful. It helps set a routine for you and your baby, and allows you to have that magical thing... "Me time!" 
• Baby Care Essentials - Dr. Benjamin Spock. Everything you need to know about baby care. Right from changing nappies, to taking temperature, to child psychology. It's all in there. It's your baby care bible.
• What to Expect: The first year - Heidi Murkoff. It doesn't help you much, except giving you an idea about, well... what to expect. But it's a good book, because you so look forward to all the milestones mentioned in there.

On a signing off note, please do not worry too much. Things will and do get better. As we speak, Saee and her dad are busy making a fancy dress costume for her for school tomorrow. (He's making a pineapple costume. Never mind that the pineapple looks more like a Diwali lantern to me right now. What the hell, if it doesn't work, I might as well use it like a Diwali lantern! Will definitely post the pictures tomorrow!)

Such are the simple pleasures of life!

It's just gas!

Once in a while, your three week old bestows upon you what looks like a genuine smile. It warms your heart, thinking "Aw! That is such a cute little smile, just for mommy!" Then the bubble bursts, when everyone tells you, "No honey, it's just gas!"

Dying to find out the truth about the matter, I went to all possible we-know-your-baby-better-than-you websites. Every one of them told me, with authority, the same thing that everyone else was telling me. In a more scientific manner, all they told me was, "No honey, it's just gas!"

I also searched for the answer in "What to expect - The First Year". Same question, same answer.

They tell me that it is too soon for my baby to be smiling. But come on! They were the ones who told me that baby watches my face the most. That babies are interested in various expressions, and if I poke my tongue out at my baby, baby will reciprocate that action. Now, I have been smiling at my baby till my cheeks hurt, thinking that I could get my baby to smile early. She does, and then I am told that it's gas the baby is passing. I pass gas all the time! I never smile when I pass gas. Who smiles when they pass gas? (Unless of course, it's my husband. He does flash a silly grin when he does so, as though it's an achievement!)

Maybe the baby is just acting out what I am showing her, without meaning to actually smile. Maybe it is all the same to her, just like raising her eyebrows, or poking her tongue out. Just tell me it's a smile, if for nothing else, then to just make me happy. Raising an infant is hard as it is. When I wake up ten times in the night, it's the feeling that my baby has smiled at me, makes me go on. I would go on even if she didn't smile, but it gets easier.

How come she always has gas when I kiss her cheek? How come she always has the winds blowing when Dad is singing to her? I don't think my baby is precocious, but I know a smile when I see one. I know my blog post today is getting rather argumentative, but what do you expect? I am a run-down mommy, dying to see some silver lining.

So I don't care what these books tell me, and all you mommies out there, shouldn't care too! When we think our baby is smiling, just take it for what it is. We can all tell them later, "No darlings, it's really just a smile!"

Shweta Maushi comes visiting (Day 18)

I am a little owl-eyed from last night, so if you spot any grammatical mistakes, please feel free to ignore them.   (Tee hee!)

Contemplative

Last evening Shweta came visiting. For those of you who do not know who that is, Shweta is my best friend from childhood; something people call "chuddi-buddies". I don't remember a single incidence in my life when Shweta wasn't around. Except, maybe the three years that she was in boarding school, and the five years she was in KEM and I was at Kharghar, or after my marriage when she was doing her DNB in Goa, or when she moved to Delhi after her marriage. Hold the phone! She has been away almost half her life! Somehow still it just never felt as though she was away. We have never felt the distance hindering our friendship.

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Chhhhooooooooo!

Shweta is expecting too. She is due in late October. Last evening, when she came, she was positively flabbergasted. She took one look at baby's laundry and exclaimed, "So many clothes? Will I need these many clothes too?" All I could do was say "Yes!" and smile. Poor thing. She may be delivering babies on a day-to-day basis for a living, but she has no idea what she is about to get herself into. By evening itself yesterday, my baby had wee-d for about 10 times and pooped 3 times (Plus 5 times wee and 1 time poo in the dead of the night)

That apart, sometimes it appears as though my baby just cries for no reason. It is not a shrill cry of pain, or a cranky cry of hunger. It appears, incredibly, as though my baby is bored! A lot of websites support my statement, that infants often do cry just out of boredom. What boredom? How many malls did she visit when she was in my womb? How many fun activities did she do while she was cooped up in her cramped quarters? Unless you call kicking your mothers innards, or tickling her ribs (in a not-so-funny manner) as fun activities. Interestingly though, that appears to be the case. And for a first-time mother, it can often be pretty confusing. It was to me, when I was a first-time mother.

My dear friend does have a lot of people around to help her though. She is what I call, born with a silver-spoon. She has always been luckier, in most aspects of life. I think it has to do with her tenacious nature too. She never gives up, no matter what. I admire that quality about her. When she is convinced about something, it takes nothing less than breaking your head on a stone to convince her, and most of the times, even that doesn't work.

I had told her about umbilical cord stem cell banking. She is a doctor herself, she doesn't need to be told about the benefits. Yet, when it came to it, she stubbornly refused to do it, saying it was a waste of money! Knowing her better, I decided to leave the issue where it was, and not press further. She would understand in her own time. Yesterday, I just confirmed what I knew all along. I know my best friend. She has signed up for cord cell banking. Finally, in her own time, she understood its importance. Der aaye durust aaye.

Baby has had her bath. Time for me to sign out now. More pictures of day 18 today.

The tiny little thing called Love

Admitted, it is difficult. When you have to wake up a hundred times in the night, to feed, or to change a nappy, or sometimes simply to soothe your crying infant. After having done it once, why would anyone want to go through all of it again?

In Granny's arms

Whether your delivery was normal or c-section, there is a certain amount of fatigue involved post delivery. It definitely doesn't get better when you can't sleep through the night; the reason being a crying infant. Is that really so bad? Where is the reward then?

I look at my Saee now, and I feel that I didn't enjoy her infancy much. I was post-natal depressed, young, without anyone of my age having gone through the same thing who could tell me that everything that was happening was normal (I was the first in my group of friends to have gotten married and have a baby). Everytime she cried, I thought something serious was happening to her. It took me a while to bond with her, and understand that all babies cry, it's the only thing they can do. Saee taught me what it meant to be a mother.

Massage time

With Sayalee things are somewhat different. Of course she cries, all the time. She keeps me up through the night too. But with it there is also the knowledge that this phase in her life is so fleeting. She will be so utterly helpless only for a month or two. This phase in her life is never coming back. Once she gears up for the new world (the one outside the comforting environment of the womb), there will be no looking back. There should be no looking back.

When finally she grows up, there will be the sweet and comforting feeling that she will have eyes, ears and heart only for me. That these days and nights will be rewarded one day when she throws her arms around me and kisses me and tells me that she loves me. They will be rewarded when she comes running into my arms from school and is eager to tell me everything that happened in school that day. The reward will come when my daughters grow up and are more friends to each other than sisters. And when both regard me as their best friend and confidant.

Those are the rewards worth waiting for.

Right now, as I am writing this, Sayalee sleeps on her fluffy gaadi. Freshly been massaged, and bathed, she smells so good! Bundled up in her cloth, with a cotton topi on her head, I feel tempted to pick her up, bring her closer to me, feel her warm skin and kiss those soft cheeks. But I dare not! Lest she wake up.

Sleeping after a massage and a bath

Amazing how one little infant is capable of terrorizing the entire household without even meaning to. Last Sunday, she gave me and my mother a grand scare. Up until Saturday, I was giving her supplement via spoon feeding. Yet, I had a feeling that she was not very fond of this method of feeding. So on Saturday, I introduced her to a bottle. She loved feeding from bottle. It was like a novelty. Except, it gave her aerophagia. It is when a lot of air is swallowed by a baby while drinking milk from a bottle. I realized that the milk was flowing too fast from the bottle and she had to gulp it down fast leading to aerophagia. A lot of milk also dripped down the corners of her mouth onto her neck. That was not the problem. The problem was that all that air swallowing was causing her to vomit. Much of the formula she had was brought back up again.

I thought, I better switch back to the spoon feeding again, at least for a couple of days more. Then came the meltdown. Sayalee wouldn't feed via the spoon. She just kept spitting everything out again. She cried inconsolably through the evening. We tried giving her Carmicide, but that wouldn't work either. I tried bouncing her, carrying her around, singing to her. Both me and my mom were tired, and at our wits' end.

Finally at midnight, we decided to take her to her pediatrician to find out what was wrong. Why she kept crying and wouldn't feed. The pediatrician calmly took one look at her, and declared, "There is nothing wrong with her, she just appears to be extremely hungry!" 

"What? Are you frigging kidding me?" I thought. If she really was extremely hungry, why wouldn't she take her milk? He told us, that she was probably getting frustrated drinking from the spoon, as there was a lot of waiting involved in this method. We should try cup-feeding. Most children like this method better, as the milk comes into their mouth in a continuous stream.

Fine, we say. The nurse tried her best to get this little tyke to drink from a cup. No luck. She kept spitting it right out. Every drop. Finally, the pediatrician told her to try giving her milk out of a special bottle they had. Once that bottle was in her mouth, in went all the milk, like magic! 

We looked on in disbelief! This little bundle, barely thirteen days old at that time, had such a definite mind of her own! She was profoundly hungry, but she wouldn't feed at all unless given a bottle. 

Man! They say that "Poot ke paon paalne mein dikhte hain." If that saying is true, then both me and my husband have to be geared for a really strong-willed child, teenager and adult. This little girl definitely has a mind of her own, and won't take nonsense from anyone.

God, help us all!